significant struggle

I spent much of my youth struggling with tragedy and loss with the passing of my mother and best friend. I chose to pursue a career in the performing arts - another uphill climb! Somewhere between circumstances and choices, my everyday life was a balancing act. I had to stay alert and malleable because I did not have the financial luxury of safety. I looked at life through the lens of someone who could topple over at any moment. I thought, "I just need to get one aspect of my life stable, then I can think more clearly."

I finally landed a job that paid enough to cover the bills. I could keep my roof! Success! In the years to come, life began to fall into place. I moved up in salary, found love, and started my own business. Despite my progress, I still felt like I had to struggle to succeed. I manufactured challenging scenarios to give myself a sense of progress. I became trapped in a cycle that eventually became my reality. I needed to give myself permission to heal and recognize my achievements. After breaking free from the pattern and adopting a more objective perspective on my life, I can genuinely say that I felt a sense of arrival. It’s a relief not to worry about finances, plan a future, and experience the calm that security provides.

Just as life started to even out, I had this nagging feeling of nostalgia, but for what? Then I started thinking about my first tiny, leaky apartment and what my life was like then. Wait! Do I miss struggling? Dare I say yes? Part of me does. Is that crazy? This might be part of the reason why I occasionally created challenges for myself. I did some serious reflecting on exactly what I was pining for. It certainly wasn’t worrying about money all the time or feeling alone every day on the uphill climb of life. I realize it wasn’t the timeframe I missed; it was who I was in that timeframe.

I was a warrior—sharp and ready for battle. I had to be on all the time. My mind was always plotting the next step. I decided to look at pictures of myself from that time. I remember feeling so vulnerable, but when I saw my younger self, I looked stronger and nimbler than I gave myself credit for. The lesson for me: use my moments of struggle to grow stronger, but don’t linger there indefinitely. It’s alright to move forward from the actual struggle and hang on the lessons.

I am established now, but not in the fighting shape I once was. Don’t underestimate the power of struggle. Success shows you how far you’ve come, but struggle shows you what you’re made of. For those of you reading this in the grips of a struggle, know that you are a warrior in the making. Stay strong.